i finally got my new sewing machine and i love love love it. this is the first brand new machine i have ever owned. all my other ones were hand me downs or bought second hand, except my serger i did buy that brand new. i love my old singers but needed something with a free arm. i have had so much fun using this new machine. i love the start/stop button, i can sew without having to use the foot pedal, which is great when my legs are really bothering me.
i also really like the up/down needle button, so when i stop sewing i can make the needle stop down in the fabric or up out of the fabric. it has speed control and will tell me exactly where the stitch length and width need to be set to sew an even stitch. it is very quiet compared to my other machines. i spent sunday afternoon decorating it so it is truly 'my' machine. chris came into the room and said "now i know why the kids like to put stickers and draw on everything they own" yeah well freedom of expression is something that was stifled in my childhood home so i won't do it to my kiddos. :)
i've already made little stuffed birds, cloth napkins, and some cuffs that are meant for coffee cups (like starbucks) but since i don't drink coffee i will probably use them on my soda cans/cups.
yesterday chris and i had our first appointment with our new therapist. i really like her and will be visiting with her alone and with chris. she believes i am clinically depressed and suffering from post partum depression. she basically compared it to ptsd because i have suffered a trauma that is opening up a lot of wounds from the past. she made it clear that it will take as long as it takes to work through it and that i have a right to feel sad, angry, etc.
i'm hoping for the best and just trying to make it day by day.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Thursday, February 05, 2009
some new stuff
a couple of weeks ago my mom was visiting and i had some free time to work on some projects. while she is here lucien can put his head up her butt instead of mine. :)
i made a few necklaces.
one for my mom
one for portia's teacher for valentines day
and one just because.... it is hard to see in the pic but this one has some beautiful dichroic glass beads that remind me of hard candy. they have a really nice orange tint to them, irl.
i also made some felt food for the kids. i have several other pieces that i have finished but need to take pics of those.
tomorrow night i have an appointment for a sleep study. i had my regular 3 month follow up with my doc on friday and she ordered this test. i also had to have another mri done, that was horrible. i had a panic attack while in the machine and totally lost my shit. i was a crying hysterical mess when i left the office. i think i scared everyone in the waiting room. doh
they think they got what they needed so hopefully it won't have to be repeated. i was supposed to have the contrast dye injection but didn't last long enough for that part of the test. good thing too cause i didn't really feel comfortable having that stuff injected into me. i need to make a cape with a super weenie logo, cause that is what i am. :(
i hope that tomorrow night will be like an overnight mini-vacation. all alone in a bed by myself, i won't know what to do. i'm so used to being squashed in our bed with lucien and chris. i hope i'm actually able to get some sleep.
i made a few necklaces.
one for my mom
one for portia's teacher for valentines day
and one just because.... it is hard to see in the pic but this one has some beautiful dichroic glass beads that remind me of hard candy. they have a really nice orange tint to them, irl.
i also made some felt food for the kids. i have several other pieces that i have finished but need to take pics of those.
tomorrow night i have an appointment for a sleep study. i had my regular 3 month follow up with my doc on friday and she ordered this test. i also had to have another mri done, that was horrible. i had a panic attack while in the machine and totally lost my shit. i was a crying hysterical mess when i left the office. i think i scared everyone in the waiting room. doh
they think they got what they needed so hopefully it won't have to be repeated. i was supposed to have the contrast dye injection but didn't last long enough for that part of the test. good thing too cause i didn't really feel comfortable having that stuff injected into me. i need to make a cape with a super weenie logo, cause that is what i am. :(
i hope that tomorrow night will be like an overnight mini-vacation. all alone in a bed by myself, i won't know what to do. i'm so used to being squashed in our bed with lucien and chris. i hope i'm actually able to get some sleep.
Friday, January 23, 2009
a fresh start......I hope so
I found this video by accident this morning....
I can't believe that I have not heard this song or watched the video. But I love it!
I felt the same way about the last president and I'm glad he is finally out of office. He was there much too long. I have very high hopes for our new president. I doubt that I will ever agree 100% but it has to get better...right?
I can't believe that I have not heard this song or watched the video. But I love it!
I felt the same way about the last president and I'm glad he is finally out of office. He was there much too long. I have very high hopes for our new president. I doubt that I will ever agree 100% but it has to get better...right?
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
rambling......it's what i do best
if i didn't look so much like both of my parents i would think that i was the kid that was left in a basket on their doorstep. the older i have gotten the more i have noticed that most of my family is always trying to figure out a way to make a buck. maybe i'm just becoming an old fart and i notice it more than i did when i was younger. but i could care less about more more more. i'm truly happy with what i have. most people would think it is a lot but that has never mattered to me.
i was happy when i lived in some of the scary shitholes that most people would run away from. i don't really care about material things. when i broke up with my ex's the first thing my mother said is bleed them for every dime you can get. and all i could think about was what for? i'm happy just to have walked away with the clothes on my back and my girls. i never went after either of them for money. i figured if they wanted to support their kids great and if they didn't well that was their choice and they had to live with it.
the courts went after scotty for $170 a month.....ha like any child could be raised on that. but i never pushed the issue because i didn't feel like it was worth my time. why spend all the effort on trying to get something he wasn't willing to give up on his own. i liked not having to share the holidays with him, not having to answer to another person about all my parental decisions. being able to do whatever whenever was nice.
when jewel was born mike couldn't even be bothered to be present for her birth because he had a gig in dallas. oh well his loss. i just listed the father as unknown. my mother worried about what people would think of me, i didn't. if he couldn't be man enough to be there for his daughter and step up to the plate then i wasn't going to spend any of my precious time forcing the issue.
i always assumed that not raising her around him would mean that she wouldn't have the same me me me issues that he had. i was wrong genetics is what it is. everyday i see a little bit of her father in her behavior and i just have to shrug my shoulders and laugh. guess i didn't have all the answers i thought i had. lol
i was chatting with my uncle paul the other day and he asked about mike. i told him he died in 2006 and immediately my uncle said you could get ssi benefits for jewel. ummm okay. like i'm going to spend time to force the government to support a child that he decided to write off as soon as she was born? no thanks.
waylon did say that before his death they tried to find us so that he could pay some support. i guess as he got older he realized what a mistake he made in not having an active role in her life. a little too little a little too late. waylon has now asked to be involved in her life. i'm all for it he is her family and should be able to let her see the other side that she was denied so early on in her existence.
luckily chris is a good hearted loving person because he feels the same way i do. he thinks it's very important that she have a chance to be involved with the other half of her family. i feel sorry for mike and scotty missing out on so much of the girls lives, but hey it was the decision they made all on their own. scotty is still alive and well and we cannot get any information on his whereabouts. his family refuses to tell us anything. i think they fear that i will go after him for money.
that is so far from the truth but they have all made their minds up about my "ulterior" motives. so they continue to miss out on this great human being. it is very difficult for me to understand how you can help create a life and then just walk away. i also don't understand the mentality that any amount of monetary support will make up for them not being there.
over the last few days i have made several new pieces of jewelry. the first thing my mom said was i can take them home with me and sell them. well i didn't make them to sell i made them because i felt like it. i have decided that this year i'm not going to knock myself out making things for the etsy shop. i want to focus on making things for my home, kids, family, and me. i don't need the money that i make selling things through etsy. i'm lucky that my dear chrissy is a great provider and i want to focus on our home.
i was happy when i lived in some of the scary shitholes that most people would run away from. i don't really care about material things. when i broke up with my ex's the first thing my mother said is bleed them for every dime you can get. and all i could think about was what for? i'm happy just to have walked away with the clothes on my back and my girls. i never went after either of them for money. i figured if they wanted to support their kids great and if they didn't well that was their choice and they had to live with it.
the courts went after scotty for $170 a month.....ha like any child could be raised on that. but i never pushed the issue because i didn't feel like it was worth my time. why spend all the effort on trying to get something he wasn't willing to give up on his own. i liked not having to share the holidays with him, not having to answer to another person about all my parental decisions. being able to do whatever whenever was nice.
when jewel was born mike couldn't even be bothered to be present for her birth because he had a gig in dallas. oh well his loss. i just listed the father as unknown. my mother worried about what people would think of me, i didn't. if he couldn't be man enough to be there for his daughter and step up to the plate then i wasn't going to spend any of my precious time forcing the issue.
i always assumed that not raising her around him would mean that she wouldn't have the same me me me issues that he had. i was wrong genetics is what it is. everyday i see a little bit of her father in her behavior and i just have to shrug my shoulders and laugh. guess i didn't have all the answers i thought i had. lol
i was chatting with my uncle paul the other day and he asked about mike. i told him he died in 2006 and immediately my uncle said you could get ssi benefits for jewel. ummm okay. like i'm going to spend time to force the government to support a child that he decided to write off as soon as she was born? no thanks.
waylon did say that before his death they tried to find us so that he could pay some support. i guess as he got older he realized what a mistake he made in not having an active role in her life. a little too little a little too late. waylon has now asked to be involved in her life. i'm all for it he is her family and should be able to let her see the other side that she was denied so early on in her existence.
luckily chris is a good hearted loving person because he feels the same way i do. he thinks it's very important that she have a chance to be involved with the other half of her family. i feel sorry for mike and scotty missing out on so much of the girls lives, but hey it was the decision they made all on their own. scotty is still alive and well and we cannot get any information on his whereabouts. his family refuses to tell us anything. i think they fear that i will go after him for money.
that is so far from the truth but they have all made their minds up about my "ulterior" motives. so they continue to miss out on this great human being. it is very difficult for me to understand how you can help create a life and then just walk away. i also don't understand the mentality that any amount of monetary support will make up for them not being there.
over the last few days i have made several new pieces of jewelry. the first thing my mom said was i can take them home with me and sell them. well i didn't make them to sell i made them because i felt like it. i have decided that this year i'm not going to knock myself out making things for the etsy shop. i want to focus on making things for my home, kids, family, and me. i don't need the money that i make selling things through etsy. i'm lucky that my dear chrissy is a great provider and i want to focus on our home.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
keeping my promise
today i cleaned out the corner in the dining room that has become one of the many major dumping grounds. i'm hoping to continue on this path by clearing out the clutter room by room. i've set no time limit and will get to each one as my gimpy self permits. on flare up days i don't even want to get out of bed, but i do anyway because my little chitlens need me.
so on the good days i will try to do a little here and there. with the power of the grand high pubbah of upper butt crack back sending his good juju i will remember i am totally capable of getting it all under control.....i will. at least that is what the reverend of the church of spongebob preached about during his last sermon. *wink*
today my uncle juan (who still calls me nani) came to pick up the red porsche that has been sitting in the garage for almost 5 years now. when he first saw it a few years ago he said he would be interested in buying it if chris would let it go. it took a while to get all the details in order but now it's gone yay!
uncle paul came to help him tow it back to his house and jewel wanted to tag along with them. so i said sure, she loves spending time with paul & paula. my mom is here this week and she said she would drive out to humble to hang out with them and she offered to bring lulu. paula has been wanting to see lulu. they love their uncles and always have so much fun when they visit with them.
so while they were gone i decided to tackle that growing mound of crap in the corner of the dining room. oy i found so much stuff in there that was just plain junk. i filled one garbage bag with donation stuff and another garbage bag with trash. i also decided to finally throw out all the empty diaper boxes that were stacking up over there.......total there were 12! wtf was i saving those for .......i have no idea. we usually end up using those boxes to be temporary storage to stuff we just don't want to put away at the moment so it in turn creates more piles of crap.
hopefully tossing them will stop us from doing that in the future. in the next couple of days i'm hoping to attack the kitchen cabinets, the pantry and the kitchen storage closet. all a crazy mess!
i plan to take before and after pics so that everyone who reads my blog can see what i slob i have become in the last 3 years. maybe shame will help me break the bad habits and i'll try harder to make sure it stays the same way after i'm done.
i used to be so organized and i always knew where everything was, it was much easier to find things. now i waste too much time looking for little things. stupid little things like nail clippers. we now own 5 pairs because we couldn't find one pair and we would buy another....and so on until we accumulated 5!! we do this with a lot of things and it's getting annoying as all get out.
anyway i will try to update as i go but don't hold your breath because blogging regularly is one of my problems that i am trying to get back to......but it will be slow at first while i concentrate on the house. :)
so on the good days i will try to do a little here and there. with the power of the grand high pubbah of upper butt crack back sending his good juju i will remember i am totally capable of getting it all under control.....i will. at least that is what the reverend of the church of spongebob preached about during his last sermon. *wink*
today my uncle juan (who still calls me nani) came to pick up the red porsche that has been sitting in the garage for almost 5 years now. when he first saw it a few years ago he said he would be interested in buying it if chris would let it go. it took a while to get all the details in order but now it's gone yay!
uncle paul came to help him tow it back to his house and jewel wanted to tag along with them. so i said sure, she loves spending time with paul & paula. my mom is here this week and she said she would drive out to humble to hang out with them and she offered to bring lulu. paula has been wanting to see lulu. they love their uncles and always have so much fun when they visit with them.
so while they were gone i decided to tackle that growing mound of crap in the corner of the dining room. oy i found so much stuff in there that was just plain junk. i filled one garbage bag with donation stuff and another garbage bag with trash. i also decided to finally throw out all the empty diaper boxes that were stacking up over there.......total there were 12! wtf was i saving those for .......i have no idea. we usually end up using those boxes to be temporary storage to stuff we just don't want to put away at the moment so it in turn creates more piles of crap.
hopefully tossing them will stop us from doing that in the future. in the next couple of days i'm hoping to attack the kitchen cabinets, the pantry and the kitchen storage closet. all a crazy mess!
i plan to take before and after pics so that everyone who reads my blog can see what i slob i have become in the last 3 years. maybe shame will help me break the bad habits and i'll try harder to make sure it stays the same way after i'm done.
i used to be so organized and i always knew where everything was, it was much easier to find things. now i waste too much time looking for little things. stupid little things like nail clippers. we now own 5 pairs because we couldn't find one pair and we would buy another....and so on until we accumulated 5!! we do this with a lot of things and it's getting annoying as all get out.
anyway i will try to update as i go but don't hold your breath because blogging regularly is one of my problems that i am trying to get back to......but it will be slow at first while i concentrate on the house. :)
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