Marina is dealing with a situation with her boyfriend that is bringing back such a rush of memories for me. I had a dream about it last night. I walked into a shop and saw someone who looked familiar so I stepped closer…….and realized it was Michael…….oy
I bolted from the shop and kept thinking oh my gawd Waylon was wrong……yes silly but one of those issues I still deal with. Everything she is dealing with right now is just opening up a floodgate of feelings that I felt once upon a time. It is breaking my heart because I remember exactly how I was feeling at the time.
She wants us to forgive him and move on because she has forgiven him. I find myself wanting to be a big baby about it, grinding my heels into the ground and absolutely refusing to cooperate. Now I know how my mom felt all those years ago. So that is helping me to have more of an open mind and be more understanding of her situation.
I can allow the very raw feelings of what he did to me to effect my decision to shut out eric or I can use those feelings constructively and try to be there for her. I remember feeling that nobody else had to forgive Michael and as long as I did then everybody else should respect my decision and be there for me. Obviously I was blinded by the extreme, sometimes totally overwhelming, passion I felt for him. More of an obsession is what it felt like at times. No matter how badly he treated me it seems I was willing to make it work to stay with him.
it's hard to watch her hurt and not be mad at eric so i now understand why my mom behaved like a complete asshole......it's hard not to behave that way. but i also want her to make up her own mind about what she thinks is best for her, it's just hard to sit back and watch someone break your babies heart. i just don't want her to think that what he did was okay......yeah i know she knows it was fucked up and totally wrong but she forgave him so easy!
michael & scotty were definitely the only men in my life that i forgave so easily. they were my lessons learned the hard way. i felt such strong love for the both of them......both at seperate times in my life........that any mistake they made could be swept under the rug in a matter of minutes. but the emotional aspect of how they treated me stuck around for a long long time.
life is hard enough without losing trust in everyone around you. the person you love the most and who is supposed to love you the most betrays you and bam thats it the trust is totally gone. you have a hard time trusting anyone......even total strangers. i've always been a super open and yes sometimes naive person. they robbed me of that ability and it took too long to get it back. i don't want marina to feel that way.
i don't want her to be hard and jaded at 17. i know from experience that everytime he is not with her she will wonder what he is doing and with who. it's not a good feeling and emotionally it will take it's toll. what to do? i want to be there for her but i'm so mad inside.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
etsy treasure featured seller again
Spotlight on Texas
YAY looks like i'm included again and this time it's one of my faerie domino necklaces. these pieces are some of my very favorites, i loved the end result so much!
our group Etsy Texas Crafters has over 300 members and is always welcoming more. you don't necessarily have to live in texas to become a member. just be a crafty texan at heart.
the current members of our group offer a huge variety of handmade goodies so get over to etsy and check them out. do a search for our team tag teametsytx to see all the great stuff they have to offer!
have a great weekend!!
YAY looks like i'm included again and this time it's one of my faerie domino necklaces. these pieces are some of my very favorites, i loved the end result so much!
our group Etsy Texas Crafters has over 300 members and is always welcoming more. you don't necessarily have to live in texas to become a member. just be a crafty texan at heart.
the current members of our group offer a huge variety of handmade goodies so get over to etsy and check them out. do a search for our team tag teametsytx to see all the great stuff they have to offer!
have a great weekend!!
Friday, May 16, 2008
new back door
We had a good mothers day here. My mom and the kids went to get a pool for the backyard and they came back with a bouquet of flowers. They were beautiful. Portia and jewel also had handmade cards for me….i loved the cards.
Chris got me a sweet card, choco covered strawberries, an individual choco molten cake and my favorite potato soup.
Oh and I almost forgot the tortillas that jewel and my mom made for me……they carved happy mothers day & mom you rock in them. So cute.
On Tuesday I had a friend come over for a visit. She brought her 7 week old son…….oh my gawd was he just the cutest squishy ever. I loved holding him and getting to chat with another adult.
I met her through punkymoms and this was our first time meeting face to face. We had fun chatting and hanging out and I’m so glad that I met her. I felt horrible when she left cause her little bundle ‘o joy was screaming his head off in the car and then she got stuck in some really shitty traffic.
She called me from the car to give me a little taste of what her drive home was like. i wish I could have been in the car to help her. He likes to be held and apparently hates the car with a passion cause he is not being held but trapped in some contraption.
He was so serious when he was awake, with his cute little furrowed brow…..probably wondering who the hell I was.
So chris and I have been talking lately about TTC #5 and I think we are going to do it. He wants me to talk to my doc to get her perspective on my health and whether or not it is a good idea.
I go back and forth with the idea and holding that little baby did not help. :) I’m such a sucker for kids. Lucien loved the baby and kept pointing at him and saying “baby” he tried to share his bottle with him and wanted to climb all over me while I was holding him.
Right before they left maddy was holding her babe and swaying him back and forth so Lucien asked me to pick him up and layed the same as jaron and wanted me to rock him the same way…..awwww it was so sweet.
last week on friday we went to lowes and ordered a new back door. our door is falling apart and needs to be replaced so bad. we ordered a nifty door with a half window and the blinds are built in to the glass. now lucien can't tear them up. we also ordered a storm door with the glass and screen built in together. you can slide the glass down and poof a screen appears and when you slide it back up the screen disappears and it is all glass again.
the guy came out yesterday morning to measure for the door and now it will be officially ordered. it should take a week to come in and then they will install it. we wanted them to do it so it gets done right. i'm so excited to have a new door that won't scrape and make a ton of noise.
Chris got me a sweet card, choco covered strawberries, an individual choco molten cake and my favorite potato soup.
Oh and I almost forgot the tortillas that jewel and my mom made for me……they carved happy mothers day & mom you rock in them. So cute.
On Tuesday I had a friend come over for a visit. She brought her 7 week old son…….oh my gawd was he just the cutest squishy ever. I loved holding him and getting to chat with another adult.
I met her through punkymoms and this was our first time meeting face to face. We had fun chatting and hanging out and I’m so glad that I met her. I felt horrible when she left cause her little bundle ‘o joy was screaming his head off in the car and then she got stuck in some really shitty traffic.
She called me from the car to give me a little taste of what her drive home was like. i wish I could have been in the car to help her. He likes to be held and apparently hates the car with a passion cause he is not being held but trapped in some contraption.
He was so serious when he was awake, with his cute little furrowed brow…..probably wondering who the hell I was.
So chris and I have been talking lately about TTC #5 and I think we are going to do it. He wants me to talk to my doc to get her perspective on my health and whether or not it is a good idea.
I go back and forth with the idea and holding that little baby did not help. :) I’m such a sucker for kids. Lucien loved the baby and kept pointing at him and saying “baby” he tried to share his bottle with him and wanted to climb all over me while I was holding him.
Right before they left maddy was holding her babe and swaying him back and forth so Lucien asked me to pick him up and layed the same as jaron and wanted me to rock him the same way…..awwww it was so sweet.
last week on friday we went to lowes and ordered a new back door. our door is falling apart and needs to be replaced so bad. we ordered a nifty door with a half window and the blinds are built in to the glass. now lucien can't tear them up. we also ordered a storm door with the glass and screen built in together. you can slide the glass down and poof a screen appears and when you slide it back up the screen disappears and it is all glass again.
the guy came out yesterday morning to measure for the door and now it will be officially ordered. it should take a week to come in and then they will install it. we wanted them to do it so it gets done right. i'm so excited to have a new door that won't scrape and make a ton of noise.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Etsy Texas Crafters Treasury
I finally got around to checking my email today and was surprised to see that i am a featured seller in an Etsy treasury
Bright and Beautiful in Texas
I love all the bright colors in this treasury.
You can find more items from my fellow group members by searching the tag teametsytx
There are a lot of talented crafters in our group and they offer a huge variety of items. So go check 'em out!!
Bright and Beautiful in Texas
I love all the bright colors in this treasury.
You can find more items from my fellow group members by searching the tag teametsytx
There are a lot of talented crafters in our group and they offer a huge variety of items. So go check 'em out!!
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
what's going on......
we have a dear family friend going off to boot camp in just a few days. it's breaking my heart and i have tried to change her mind. all i can do now is hope that she will be safe and eventually will return to us because we love her
Monday, May 05, 2008
mario kart wii
well i'm a total dumbass. i totally forgot to mention that chris bought me mario kart for the wii. as soon as i saw the commercials i knew i wanted it! i loved the old schook mario kart and so do the kids. we went to toys r'us to buy lucien some new clothes yesterday.
marina & eric took jewel & portia to the pool yesterday so we could shop with just lucien. we made an agreement not to go crazy buying toys and we don't have the ability to do that with the little ones with us. who can say no to those cute little faces!!
so while we were there chris said lets pop over to the game area and see if there is a difference in price, compared to what we saw at the mall the other night. he told me that he planned on buying it for me but was going to wait for the stimulus check, well that is supposed to be going out on thursday so he said lets go ahead and buy it now.
WHHHEEEE so we came home set it up and when the kids got home they all went ape shit over it. so they ended up playing it until right before bedtime. they only stopped cause they had to and chris kept on playing until 10pm. when he tried to stop lucien kept following him around with the wheel trying to get him to play it some more. he loves to sit and watch.
oh and yesterday afternoon on the way home we stopped at the store to buy more milk and other stuff. when we got home we unloaded everyting.......or so we thought. this morning chris got up to realize there was no milk in the fridge. he had left it in the truck over night ewww. so while i was still sleeping he could have gone to buy some more but what did he do instead. he made a big honking pot of coffee & drank it while he was playing mario kart.......crackhead!!
marina & eric took jewel & portia to the pool yesterday so we could shop with just lucien. we made an agreement not to go crazy buying toys and we don't have the ability to do that with the little ones with us. who can say no to those cute little faces!!
so while we were there chris said lets pop over to the game area and see if there is a difference in price, compared to what we saw at the mall the other night. he told me that he planned on buying it for me but was going to wait for the stimulus check, well that is supposed to be going out on thursday so he said lets go ahead and buy it now.
WHHHEEEE so we came home set it up and when the kids got home they all went ape shit over it. so they ended up playing it until right before bedtime. they only stopped cause they had to and chris kept on playing until 10pm. when he tried to stop lucien kept following him around with the wheel trying to get him to play it some more. he loves to sit and watch.
oh and yesterday afternoon on the way home we stopped at the store to buy more milk and other stuff. when we got home we unloaded everyting.......or so we thought. this morning chris got up to realize there was no milk in the fridge. he had left it in the truck over night ewww. so while i was still sleeping he could have gone to buy some more but what did he do instead. he made a big honking pot of coffee & drank it while he was playing mario kart.......crackhead!!
crafters ADD
Crafters ADD………someone posted a topic on the etsy forums about how she suffers from crafters add and was wondering if anyone else did. I had to giggle because that exactly describes my condition. I never thought of it that way but that is me. I have no ability to focus on one thing and jump from project to project all over the flippin’ house. My craftiness is starting to take over almost every room!
I started by moving my craft room from the formal dining room into the game room….but I never finished so there is still crap in there. Then I moved into one of the empty bedrooms, jewel decided she wanted her own room so I moved to part of our bedroom. Lately I have been wanting to work downstairs because I don’t have cable in my bedroom and sometimes I want to watch shows that are only on cable…..like I should be watching tv while I work but it’s one of those necessary evils, either that or listening to music.
So no I have 2 tables in the living room with stuff on them. Part of my bedroom has 3 big tables, I have stuff crammed into my closet, jewels closet, the formal dining room and a ton of yarn in my broom closet in the kitchen. So recently chris asked me if I just planned on moving my work area to one room and leaving it there. NO was my reply. I can’t help it I just tend to spread out wherever I can and I hate to clean up after myself. I also have way too much stuff, maybe I should open another etsy shop to de-stash some clutter but I’m lazy and don’t want to keep track of another store. And I had a crazy experience with freecycle last week so I don’t want to go through that again.
This morning at my doctors appointment the woman doing the testing asked me if I exercise a lot. I was about to get on the treadmill and had to reach a heart rate of 154 and she wanted to know if it would take me a while. Well I was totally honest and told her that I am a complete lazy ass and make a point not to exercise…..unless you count chasing Lucien around. So we both laughed and joked that it would take me no time to reach my target heart rate and then probably collapse. I told her I get winded walking up the stairs!
So I started the test and it took me 8 minutes to get to the target rate. I thought I was going to die right there my legs felt like they were on fire! But she said I am in better shape then I give myself credit for because it took longer than she expected. I guess I’m more active then I realized. But she did make a point to tell me if I was going to collapse to do it once I got in the elevator LOL I guess that way I would be closer to the hospital downstairs!
This mysterious activity may be the reason I have lost weight recently……only 6 pounds…but even so I’m not trying to lose weight if anything I’m trying to keep it on. I have never weighed this much in my life except while pregnant and I like how I look right now. I’ve always been so scrawny…….in high school my nickname was scroni…ya know cause of roni. A week and a half ago I was dumping pictures from my camera and found some more that Portia took and there was one of me working on the back porch.
As you can see my arms are way too skinny I look like a stick figure and whoa I remember when I was nursing that shirt looked great on me cause I had boobs, now they look like deflated balloons. But I’ve always been so flat chested that even in that pic they look bigger than I thought they were. LOL
Last week I gave Lucien his first haircut. It’s starting to get hot and I don’t want him to have to deal with all that hair in the horrible summer heat. Matter of fact I’m thinking I’m going to cut my hair off again soon. Then I gotta bleach it again and buy some new color……..probably something blue green.
He looks so stinkin’ cute with his short hair. He has the wavy hair like chris so it just curls right up and looks like he has a bowl on his head.
before
After
marina calls him chunk now cause he looks like the kid from the goonies. lol
i ended up cutting portia's hair too. here she is with her birthday cake.
making a wish
blowing out the candle
our anniversary was this week too. that evening chris went to get dinner from panera bread........love their fuji apple chicken salad.........he stopped at the store for water & milk and these too
i was totally surprised, usually we don't do gifts for our anniversary. but he came home with these beautiful roses and a huge choco fudge cookie from panera. it was yummy!!
ack i gotta quit watching shows with babies. i'm watching bringing home baby on tlc and i am loving that sweet little baby face!! i do get my panties in a bunch watching them choose to bottlefeed because........my milk hasn't come in yet........duh colostrum is the really good stuff. and hearing them talk about how they had their son circumsized AAAAAHHHHHH but boy do i love those cute little baby faces
yes if chris was home he would slap the crap out of me right now for watching a baby show. lol
I started by moving my craft room from the formal dining room into the game room….but I never finished so there is still crap in there. Then I moved into one of the empty bedrooms, jewel decided she wanted her own room so I moved to part of our bedroom. Lately I have been wanting to work downstairs because I don’t have cable in my bedroom and sometimes I want to watch shows that are only on cable…..like I should be watching tv while I work but it’s one of those necessary evils, either that or listening to music.
So no I have 2 tables in the living room with stuff on them. Part of my bedroom has 3 big tables, I have stuff crammed into my closet, jewels closet, the formal dining room and a ton of yarn in my broom closet in the kitchen. So recently chris asked me if I just planned on moving my work area to one room and leaving it there. NO was my reply. I can’t help it I just tend to spread out wherever I can and I hate to clean up after myself. I also have way too much stuff, maybe I should open another etsy shop to de-stash some clutter but I’m lazy and don’t want to keep track of another store. And I had a crazy experience with freecycle last week so I don’t want to go through that again.
This morning at my doctors appointment the woman doing the testing asked me if I exercise a lot. I was about to get on the treadmill and had to reach a heart rate of 154 and she wanted to know if it would take me a while. Well I was totally honest and told her that I am a complete lazy ass and make a point not to exercise…..unless you count chasing Lucien around. So we both laughed and joked that it would take me no time to reach my target heart rate and then probably collapse. I told her I get winded walking up the stairs!
So I started the test and it took me 8 minutes to get to the target rate. I thought I was going to die right there my legs felt like they were on fire! But she said I am in better shape then I give myself credit for because it took longer than she expected. I guess I’m more active then I realized. But she did make a point to tell me if I was going to collapse to do it once I got in the elevator LOL I guess that way I would be closer to the hospital downstairs!
This mysterious activity may be the reason I have lost weight recently……only 6 pounds…but even so I’m not trying to lose weight if anything I’m trying to keep it on. I have never weighed this much in my life except while pregnant and I like how I look right now. I’ve always been so scrawny…….in high school my nickname was scroni…ya know cause of roni. A week and a half ago I was dumping pictures from my camera and found some more that Portia took and there was one of me working on the back porch.
As you can see my arms are way too skinny I look like a stick figure and whoa I remember when I was nursing that shirt looked great on me cause I had boobs, now they look like deflated balloons. But I’ve always been so flat chested that even in that pic they look bigger than I thought they were. LOL
Last week I gave Lucien his first haircut. It’s starting to get hot and I don’t want him to have to deal with all that hair in the horrible summer heat. Matter of fact I’m thinking I’m going to cut my hair off again soon. Then I gotta bleach it again and buy some new color……..probably something blue green.
He looks so stinkin’ cute with his short hair. He has the wavy hair like chris so it just curls right up and looks like he has a bowl on his head.
before
After
marina calls him chunk now cause he looks like the kid from the goonies. lol
i ended up cutting portia's hair too. here she is with her birthday cake.
making a wish
blowing out the candle
our anniversary was this week too. that evening chris went to get dinner from panera bread........love their fuji apple chicken salad.........he stopped at the store for water & milk and these too
i was totally surprised, usually we don't do gifts for our anniversary. but he came home with these beautiful roses and a huge choco fudge cookie from panera. it was yummy!!
ack i gotta quit watching shows with babies. i'm watching bringing home baby on tlc and i am loving that sweet little baby face!! i do get my panties in a bunch watching them choose to bottlefeed because........my milk hasn't come in yet........duh colostrum is the really good stuff. and hearing them talk about how they had their son circumsized AAAAAHHHHHH but boy do i love those cute little baby faces
yes if chris was home he would slap the crap out of me right now for watching a baby show. lol
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