weird dream again

had another weird dream last night, sometimes i think he comes to me to tell me that he didn't mean to be so awful and to try and remember that there were good times. when i woke up i realized i tend to paint him is always being awful and cruel. but that wasn't always the case.

so i thought i would share some positive things and remind myself that there was a reason i loved him so much. he could be sweet, affectionate, caring, and thoughtful. sometimes he would come home with flowers for no reason, or a piece of jewelry that he thought i would like. when he asked me to marry him he hid the ring and asked me to fetch something for him and when i went to grab it there was the ring.

i remember feeling so loved, warm and fuzzy. i was so excited to receive that ring. he made me feel like the most beautiful person he had ever met. we got matching tattoos of a quarter moon and his said my world because he always told me that i was the world to him, the center of his being. mine said sweet trouble because that is what i would say to him......that he was my sweet trouble. he always told me that i had a beautiful voice and sometimes he would sit outside the bathroom door so that he could hear me singing in the shower.

the day i told him i was expecting jewel he was very happy. he had come home from band practice and was eating a whataburger on the couch. i told him i was pregnant and that the baby would be due on the 1st anniversary of his fathers death. he was ecstatic to say the least. perhaps he hoped for a child that would be like his father...and she is. extremely intelligent, compassionate and a music lover.

this was a song i loved to sing to him and he loved to hear it.



i was there for him to lean on when his father died. i held him as he cried and mourned the loss of the greatest person in his life. i often wonder if they are together now happy to see one another. my only wish was that someday he would get to know his daughter and see the wonderful little person that she has become, unfortunately that will never happen.

sometimes i feel like he is around maybe keeping an eye on his little one. enjoying the fact that he can be with her anytime he wants. i recently told her a story about how she would only fall asleep on his chest when she was a baby and that after we split up it was very hard to get her down at night without him. he liked to call her his little toot scoot because of the way she would scoot on her tushie to get around rather then crawling or walking. this brought tears to her eyes because she knows she will never have the chance to just hang out with him and get to know him properly. she will have to rely on stories from me. i will tell her how much he absolutely adored her and loved her and how she became the center of his universe.

rest in peace my dearest because no matter what happened between us i loved you and i got the best part of you in more ways then one. i will have this little image of you for the rest of my days....and she will have us no matter what.

is that what you had said?

marina's friend laci added me as a friend today on myspace and she said adding me was like trying to break into fort knox. yeah i go for all the security measures because i'm married to a geek. so i sent her a message telling her that it's all about the sucurritteee, that comes from one of my favorite madtv skits



my kids said this reminds them of my friend cherri. or miss cherri as they have gotten used to calling her, it's a southern thing. she used to be a nurse in the kids pedi office and i love her and her kids like they are family. but when she gets angry with someone she can sound a lot like bon qui qui.....and i love it!! she's a single mom to 3 kids, owns her own house and loves bebe clothes. cause she is a tiny little thing and she can find clothes in her size there. her kids are tiny too and very well behaved. i love watching them because i know they will listen and respect our house........even my mom thinks they are great kids. which says a lot cause my mom thinks most kids are brats. lol

her kids also call me miss veronica which sounds so weird to me but hey if that is how mama wants them to speak to other adults i'm not gonna tell 'em otherwise. :) they also know if they need anything crafty they can call me and i will usually have it. if i need anything for cooking i can call them and they usually have it.

anyway that is a little shout out to my girl cherri....i just wanted to share what a strong, loving, & brave lady she is...cause girl if you mess with her she will cut you.....and then she could stitch you back up. lol

i will be sharing more of my favorite madtv & saturday night live clips...cause i love that crazy slapstick stuff.

i don't know if this one is taking a stab at martha stewart or rachel ray....maybe a little of both tick tock tick tock tick tock



last week jewel told me i had the perfect bananas for this 3 minute meal